The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
