I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
