I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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