He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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