no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
