the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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