cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
