I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
