I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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