At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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