Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
