Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
