I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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