16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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