this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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