Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
