Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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