my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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