dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
