Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
