Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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