My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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