Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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