I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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