i don't like sucking hair
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
