Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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