I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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