Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
