What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
