So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
