I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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