I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
