I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
