i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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