I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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