She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Are we still banned from the library?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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