There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
