Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
