Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
