NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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