Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
