Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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