When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
