I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize