also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's never too late to be topless.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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