I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
