Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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