i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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