This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
