nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
