I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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