Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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