no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
