hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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