If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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