I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
