I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize