I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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