I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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