Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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