Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got inside last night via doggy door
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
