So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
