So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
