Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
