im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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