She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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