Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
