is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
