How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
